gardening, the kellypuffs way

See? I KNEW you guys rocked. So many ideas, so little time.

Let’s get started, shall we?

Steve wanted to know about gardening.

Well, Steve, you came to right place. I loveloveloveLOVE plants. “Gardening” is my middle name. My prowess with plants is legendary. Or not, as the case may be.

Gardening, the Kellypuffs Way

If it’s green, it’s a lawn.

I don’t care if it’s full of bugleweed. Or dandelions, violets, crabgrass or moss. It’s pretty, it’s green, and the dandelions/bugleweeds add a nice bit of color to the landscape. So lawn care consists of the following important steps (pay attention, this gets a little tricky):

1. Mow it every once in a while. If the town hasn’t sent you a friendly notice yet, it’s probably not yet time.

Trees

There are two kinds of trees -the kind with needles and the kind with leaves. As far as I can tell, they require nothing from me, which is ideal.

Bushes and Shrubs

I prefer my bushes and shrubs to come WITHOUT prickly parts. That being said, if you must have prickly plants, I prefer old-fashioned ramblers to tea roses. Every once in a while, your bushes will grow so high that you can’t see out of your windows anymore. That’s when you know it’s time to take the clippers to them.

Perennials

My favorite kind of plants. I can’t recommend them strongly enough. Why? Because you plant ’em and forget ’em. Easy. I’m particularly fond of the cottage garden kind of flowers … bleeding hearts, peonies, hollyhocks, four o’clocks, forget-me-nots, bachelor buttons, creeping phlox… you get the picture. I am thrilled beyond measure to discover that the previous owner of my house shared a love of the same kind of plants as I like … so the backyard is filled with woody old lilacs, violets, lily-of-the-valley, hydrangeas, grape hyacinths, irises, hosta and more sweet peas than you can shake a stick at.

And trust me. I can shake at a shitload of sweet peas.

Church and charity perennial sales are my favorite sources, along with cuttings from friends. I don’t know much about gardening zones, but I do know that lilacs grow VERY well in New England, due to our cold winters (which works out nicely since they are my absolute FAVORITES), and not so well in Philadelphia.

How to Garden

I announced to Himself last weekend that I wanted to garden this year. He, as yet, is unaware of what that means. When I say “I want to garden”, that REALLY means “I want to go swanning off to buy pretty plants at the nursery, and then I want YOU to plant them in the places that I point out to you.”

If I say, “I want to have a vegetable garden this year”, you should run for cover and not come out til the frost. Because that means I want you to prepare the garden by tilling the soil and removing the 18 tons of granite rocks hiding just under the top soil. Just pile them on top of the others on the dry rock wall. Then I (or preferably, YOU) will plant $643 worth of vegetable plants, which I will then ignore for the rest of the summer, until they, against all odds, provide a few meager vegetables which I will eagerly pick, and place artfully on a pottery plate on the kitchen counter, where they will rest until they rot.

Miscellaneous Garden Tips

Gardens require hammocks.

More garden pictures on flickr.

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One thought on “gardening, the kellypuffs way

  1. momma, this is not gardening, this is just observing nature do its thang.

    BUT, actually doing things will take the fun right out of it.

    I LOVE YOU

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